Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
