I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
