so explain again why im purple
no
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
