Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
