I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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