I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
