On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize