Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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