apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
