I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
