i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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