I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
