thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
