I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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