I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
