Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
