like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
