I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
