We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
