just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
