I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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