I wish I only lived at night.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
