Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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