please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
