Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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