we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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