Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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