see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
