that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
