if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my phone needs a breathalizer
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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