I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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