I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
