saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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