If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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