Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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