I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize