So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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