somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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