true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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