pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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