So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
