Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
