that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
