Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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