How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Alive.
So much puke
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
