you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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