Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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