you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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