big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
we should paint friendship bongs
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize