So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
