I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
