I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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