My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
