hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
