she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
