I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
