remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
