Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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