Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Your penis caused this!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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