the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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