New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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