then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
