Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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