You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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