I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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