I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
