Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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