I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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