Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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