I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
