Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
