I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
