is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
