Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
